Random Randomness
by JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik
Summary: Weird things are happening all over Domino. Read as the Yugioh cast experience the random stupidity that befalls them. contains shonen ai and mild language.
1. DOOMed to be Bored

Okay here is my attempt at a random humor fic…Hope you like it!

Disclaimer…

**Valon:** …Wait! I'm doin' the disclaimer cause JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik says I'm hot!

**JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** Okay, just hurry up so we can get to the good part!

**Valon:** Okay! **--Disclaimer:** JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik does not own Yugioh or any of the characters!

**Valon:** Are U proud of me!

**JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** Ya! (Huggles Valon)

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Random Randomness

**Chapter 1: DOOMed to be bored**

Raphael squinted at the screen, cursing under his breath. He continued to push the buttons on the remote, but nothing happened, much to his annoyance.

It was at that time that Alister chose to walk into the blond man's room. He blinked, and walked over to the muscle-bound man's bed. He blinked again in confusion.

"Raphael, what are you doing?" He asked calmly when he noticed the blank screen of Raphael's television. The blond scowled.

"Darn thing won't work! I've been trying to change the channel for half an hour now, and the stupid remote won't work!" He said furiously. Alister sighed and slapped his forehead.

"Geeze, Raph, it helps if you _turn it on _first!" He yelled in exasperation. The blond blinked and pulled out his 'reading glasses'.

"…" The blonde's jaw dropped when he realized his TV wasn't even on. Alister sighed.

"Maybe you should get your eyes checked." The red head suggested. Raphael glared at him.

"What are you talking about?" He demanded. "My eyes are just fine!" Raphael yelled as he pulled the glasses off. He stood up in a huff. "I'm leaving!" He declared and stormed off…directly into a wall, knocking himself unconscious.

Alister blinked, then sighed. "Okay…Riiiiiight…" He said in a sarcastic voice. As entertaining as it had been…he was bored again. Time to go bother Valon!

He stopped in front of the brunet's door. He heard shuffling and groaning, his mind jumping to all kinds of sick conclusions. He took a deep breath and yanked open the door.

Valon looked up from his HUGE pile of DVD cases to see Alister standing in the doorway.

"Hey Alister, wat's up?" Valon asked boredly. He noticed the deep blush on his friend's face.

"Um…well I thought you were doing…something…" the redhead said embarrassedly. Valon blinked.

"Huh? Like what?" The clueless brunet asked. Alister shuddered.

"Nothing…just forget about it!" He said. "What _are _you doing anyways?" Alister asked.

Valon shrugged. "Just lookin' fer my favorite movie." He replied as he picked up a random DVD. His eyes widened. "Whoa! I forgot I had this one! Hey Al, wanna watch a movie?" He asked excitedly.

Alister sighed. "Whatever…I guess it couldn't hurt. What's it called?" The red head asked.

Valon smiled. "It's called 'Martyr of Wit', it's an Action-Comedy-Romance-Horror-Drama-Tragedy!" He explained. Alister sweat dropped.

"Right…and that means what?" He asked boredly. Valon rolled his eyes and popped the movie in.

**--Five Minutes Later—**

Alister's eye twitched.

"…_Oh my love! Do not say such things, or I shall smite you! Muahahahahaha!"_

"_No, Caroline! Not If I kill you first!" Sounds of a chainsaw can be heard in the background._

"_Adam! What are you doing? Forget about her! We still have to save Ricky from the Mummy and sacrifice Sarah to the cocoa-bean statue so that we can get more milk!"_

"…_Milk? Is that all you think about, Andrea? You really are an evil pirate after all!"_

_Random robot: "Die!" Andrea dies. Screams can be heard from Adam and Caroline._

_Adam: "No! I wanted to rip her heart out and worship it!" He cried sadly. Caroline punches him. "How dare you! I loved her!" She cried. Adam gives her a horrified look._

"_Caroline… are you …bi?" He asked in shock. She stood up and glared at him. _

"_So what if I am?" She demanded as she pulled out a rocket launcher and blew his head off. Guts splattered all over the screen. _

Valon burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

"Hahahahahahaha! Ain't dis da best movie eva' Alister?" He asked joyfully.

Alister twitched again. "No." He said moodily. Valon rolled his eyes.

"Dat's messed up, mate! …Hey after this is over, ya wanna watch parts two, three, four, and five?" He asked. Alister's eyes widened.

"Nah, that's okay Valon…gee I sure am hungry though…" He said as he excused himself from the room. Valon simply shrugged, not able to believe that anybody could dislike his movie.

Alister walked out into the kitchen. He pulled open the door of the fridge and inspected the contents. He saw: Soy milk, yogurt, an open stick of butter, green olives, a lemon, a lime, and a bottle of ranch salad dressing. He wrinkled his nose up in disgust. There was only one obvious choice…

…The butter! Alister happily pulled out the stick of butter and sucked on it as he headed back towards Valon's room.

The brunet blinked. "Butter? What'cha eatin' that for?" He asked the red head.

Alister sighed. "What? I just happen to like it, so there!" He said irritably. Valon bit his lip.

"I wouldn't eat it if I were ya." He warned his friend. Alister rolled his eyes. "Why? Is it going to make me fat, or something?" He asked sarcastically. Valon frowned.

"Ya, but that's besides the point…do you know what Raphael _did _with that?" He asked in horror. Alister blinked.

"…No." He said cautiously. Valon leaned forward and whispered into his ear. Alister's eyes widened.

"WHAT!" Alister shrieked. Valon nodded.

Alister's eyes widened suspiciously. "And how would _you _know!" He seethed. Valon smiled.

"I watched!" The brunet replied. Alister's jaw dropped.

"EWW! Valon, that's DISGUSTING! How could you _watch_ something like that?" The red head demanded.

Valon shrugged. "Heh, der was nothin' on the cookin' channel so…" He trailed off.

Alister groaned, trying to get the disturbing images of Raphael and the stick of butter out of his head…and yes, he was _still _sucking on said stick of butter…why be wasteful?

…He was getting bored again. Alister grabbed the remote from Valon and changed the TV over to the local news station. Valon glared.

"Hey! Dis is my room! Go to your own room if ya wanna watch da news!" He demanded. Alister ignored him.

"Shut up Val, I'm watching this!" He replied to the now sulking brunet.

"…And now for some breaking news! Kaiba corp. has been stolen! …yup, you heard me right! The 2,513 floor Kaiba corp. main building has mysteriously vanished. Police believe it has something to do with the "Wet Paint" incident earlier this week, but local residents fail to see the connection!"

Alister sweat dropped. "…that's odd…" He mumbled as he finished off the butter and turned off the tube.

Raphael groaned as he walked out into the living room. "Ow…what hit me?" He wondered aloud. Alister shrugged as he licked the butter wrapping. Raphael's eyes widened, a blush appearing on his face. He growled at the red headed boy.

"Alister…you _ate _my butter?"

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JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik: Okay, I admit that was weird…it didn't turn out as I expected either…but anyways PLZ review!**

…And thankies to **Contestshipping-MayxDrew** for the reviews on my other stories!

Thanks also to **Divine Crimson Rose** and to **dragonlady222**!


	2. Video Games, Grudges and a Yaoi Fangirl

Another chapter done! Here is CH 2…

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Yugioh or any of the characters!

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Random Randomness

**Chapter 2: Video Games, Grudges and a Yaoi Fangirl**

Valon glared at his TV. He knew, of course, that it wasn't to blame for his trouble beating the high score on his video game…but he had to take his anger out on something!

He was playing 'Ultra Mega Dungeon Wars III' on his new game system. Which game system, you ask? Heck, he doesn't even know because its name is written in Japanese.

…Why he was living in Japan if didn't speak the language? We will never know…

Valon growled. "Grr! Ya stupid game!" He said angrily as he pressed completely random buttons. Why didn't he just read the instruction manual, you ask? 'Cause it was _also _in Japanese…

"Hiya!" Joey said happily as he stuck his head in the brunet's door. Valon jumped, causing him to mess up on the game and nearly to have a heart attack. He glared at the intruding blond.

"Wheeler! What are ya doin' here?" He demanded, "Get outta my…"

"Congratulations! You Won!" The game told him. Valon blinked stupidly.

"Huh? How did dat happen?" He wondered to himself before turning back to the blond. "So wadda you want anyways?" He asked the blond. Joey shrugged.

"…Well I was thinking about randomly trying to kill you for stealing Mai…but I lost my favorite knife yesterday, so I decided just to bug you instead." The blond replied sheepishly.

Valon sighed. "Kay, whatever…." He mumbled, looking back at the game. He blinked. Alister wouldn't play with him; Raphael wouldn't play with him, but maybe…

"Hey Wheeler, ya wanna play a game? I mean, since yer here an' all…" Valon said.

Joey blinked. "Eh, sure." He replied and plopped down on the brunet's bed. Joey was instantly handed a controller. "Gotta warn ya though…I ain't too bad at these kinds of games…"

**--In the Kitchen—**

Alister grumbled to himself as he _attempted _to raid the fridge.

He stopped when he felt a tug on his jacket. He turned to see who had bothered him, but saw nothing. Alister blinked.

"…Um, down here!" A voice said. The red head looked down and saw…Yugi? He jumped in surprise.

"Yugi? How in the blazes did you get here?" He demanded. The short teen sighed. "Sorry, I followed Joey and kind of got lost…" He said sheepishly.

Alister blinked. "How did _Joey _get here?" He asked. Yugi smiled.

"Joey has brunets on radar! It's handy for when we need to find/bribe Kaiba, lose Tristen in the mall, or are running from Tea…" He explained, shuddering after the last example.

"That's an odd ability to have." Alister commented. Yugi smiled back at him. "Yup! And his sister has gaydar…but claims it can find anyone she knows!" Alister sweat-dropped.

"Gee, that's an insult if I ever heard one." He muttered.

Yugi blinked innocently. "Huh? What do you mean?" He asked.

Alister rolled his eyes at Yugi's naïve nature. "Nothing…let's just find the idiots before they tear the house down." As the two boys walked over to Valon's room, the noises from inside scared them.

"Take dat! Die die die!"

"Nooooo! …Hah! Ya missed!"

"…Darn you! Bastard!"

"Ow! That hurt! How dare ya stab me there!"

Alister wrenched the door open in horror. Joey and Valon calmly looked up from the video game. Valon blinked, then smiled.

"Hey Al, ya wanna play with us?" He asked. Alister's jaw dropped.

"…But…you guys _hate _each other! Why are you playing games together!" He asked in shock. Both boys shrugged in reply. Joey glared.

"What? Who eva' said dat two enemies can't hang out and play video games?" He demanded. Valon nodded in agreement. Alister blinked.

"Okay…I guess I'll just be leaving now…" He said as he dragged Yugi out of the room. Alister shivered. "Geeze, and I thought yesterday was weird!" Just then Seto Kaiba stepped out of the shower with nothing but a pink towel on. Yugi and Alister stared. The red head finally snapped.

"Kaiba! What are you doing here?" He demanded, half in shock, and half trying to cover up his blush.

The CEO glared at him. "What does it _look _like I'm doing, Alister? I just got out of the shower, obviously!" He replied. Alister rolled his eyes; the embarrassment of seeing his rival nearly nude was forgotten.

"I can see that, but why are you using our shower?" He inquired.

Kaiba scowled. "Because my company was stolen! I usually bathe in the girl's bathroom, but now my company's gone!" He declared angrily.

Alister and Yugi: O.o

"But Kaiba, why can't you bathe at home?" Yugi asked. Kaiba jumped in shock, as he had noticed the short duelist for the first time.

"Yugi? What are you doing here?" He demanded. Yugi sighed and repeated his explanation. Kaiba rolled his eyes.

**--In Valon's Room—**

Joey blinked. "What the…when did Kaiba get here?" He asked aloud.

Valon blinked. "Eh? Say what?" He asked.

Joey stood up. He growled and stomped out the door. Valon blinked and hastily followed him. There in the living room they saw _The Great _Seto Kaiba…in a fluffy pink towel.

Joey glared at him. "Kaiba! What are ya…" His eyes widened at the sight of the brunet. He stared at Kaiba…and Kaiba stared back. Kaiba growled.

"What? Never seen a pink towel before?" He asked. Joey blinked.

"I've seen plenty of pint towels…I just never seen you in one…" The blond replied, drooling.

Serenity popped in, squealed like the rabid Yaoi fangirl she is and snapped pictures of Kaiba before running away. The others blinked. Alister twitched.

"Well that was random…" He noted. Raphael walked into the room and glared at Alister.

"How could you…that was the last stick of butter!" He yelled. Alister sighed. "So go to the store and get some more butter!" He yelled back. Raphael shook his head and turned on the TV.

"…This is just in! Residents believe the same person who stole Kaiba corp. has _abducted _every grocery store in Domino Japan! …Police blame the phenomenon on aliens…"

Raphael flicked to television off. "SEE!" He asked in rage. Alister blinked. The red head shrugged.

"Oh well, I was thinking about going on a diet anyways…" He commented.

Joey and Valon's jaws dropped. "NOOOOO! We're gonna starve!" They shouted in unison, clinging to each other. Alister sighed and walked out of the room. He returned a few minutes later with a glass of clear-yet-murky liquid.

"Hey anyone want some lemon-limeade?" He asked. Raphael gave the liquid a skeptical look.

"Oh…where did you get that?" He asked. Alister smiled.

"I made it using the lemon and the lime in the fridge…want some? We can all have some if we use straws…" He said. The others backed away from him.

Alister blinked. "What? We can share! None of us are diseased!" He stated.

Kaiba snorted. "The Mutt probably has rabies…" He said under his breath. Joey growled and tackled him to the ground, landing on top of the brunet in a suggestive position.

Alister, Valon, Raphael and Yugi: O.o

Serenity skips back into the room and snaps a picture while giggling to herself. Once again she disappeared.

Yugi blinks and looks at the others. "Um guys…did that just happen?" He asked. The others (including Joey and Kaiba) nod dumbly.

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JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik: Whoo! Yay! I have two chapters done already! Now I just have to work on the other five I was planning to update this week…cries please be patient people! And PLZ review!**


	3. A Fanatical Sister and Hunger Pain

Yawn…okay this took a long time to write. Wonder why? This chapter was inspired by a conversation I had and the fact that there is nearly nothing to eat in my dad's house…

Anyways, enjoy!

**Valon:** Whoo hoo! I get ta do the disclaimer again!

**Disclimer (Valon):** JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik does not own Yugioh or the characters…otherwise Tea would not exist and I would have Joey!

**Joey:** (glares) In your dreams!

**Valon **and** JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** Yep!

**Joey:** O.o

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Random Randomness

**Chapter 3: A Fanatical Sister and Hunger Pain**

Serenity giggled to herself as she walked down the hall. She stopped and poked her head in her brother's door and smiled at the groggy blond.

"Morning big brother! Um…have you seen the glue?" She asked. He blinked and looked up at her.

"Serenity? Wadda ya need glue for?" He asked suspiciously. She smiled back innocently.

"Oh, just because…it's for an art project!" She said finally. Joey sighed and handed her a random bottle of glue from his closet. She squealed and bounded out of the room. Joey scratched his head in confusion.

"…Art project?" He rolled his eyes. "Whateva' she probably sniffs it or somethin'." He said as he rolled over and fell back asleep.

Serenity skipped happily all the way back to her room. She paused for a moment to smile at the 'Do Not Enter for Risk of Death' sign on her door. She smirked and snuck inside.

The auburn haired girl flicked on the lights to reveal three and a half walls completely covered in pictures. She smiled and held up her glue triumphantly, giving an evil laugh that even Marik and Bakura would be proud of.

Serenity then picked up the envelope on her dresser…an envelope of newly developed pictures! She took out the picture of Joey and Kaiba she had taken the day before, trimmed the edges, applied the glue, and pasted it to her half-empty wall. She then stood back to admire her work.

Pictures of Duke and Tristen wrestling, Tristen petting Joey's hair, Joey beating Tristen up for petting his hair, and random other pictures of her brother and her guy friends in suggestive positions were also applied to the wall. Serenity smiled in bliss once she had finished.

A few minute's later, Joey knocked on her door.

"Sis, you okay in there?" He asked. She scrambled to answer the door before he could open it, tripping over piles of yaoi romance novels and her Gravitation collection in the process.

The door creaked open, revealing only her face.

"Oh, hey Joey!" She said sweetly. Joey blinked, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What are ya doin' in there?" He asked. Serenity laughed nervously.

"Well…I'm just working on my project…haha…nothing suspicious…nope, not at all!" She said hurriedly.

Joey blinked. "Okaaay…well I'm gonna go get lunch, you comin?" He asked. She shook her head.

"Nope! Gotta work on the project!" She said frantically as she slammed the door in his face. Joey blinked, and then sighed.

"Whateva…more for me then!" He said happily as he walked out of his apartment.

Joey walked down the street in the direction of Sizzler. He stopped when he saw Mai. She smiled at him.

"Hi Joey, where are you headed?" She asked flirtatiously. He shrugged.

"Jus' goin' ta Sizzler for lunch." He told her. Her eyes brightened.

"Cool, can I come! You should hang out with ME today!" She exclaimed as she hugged him. Joey jumped in surprise.

"Uh, are you okay Mai?" He asked, hoping she would return to normal…a lot of people were acting strange lately. She nodded hyperly.

"Yup I'm ok! Ijusthadalotofsugarisn'titgreat!Ilovecoffeedon'tyou!Oohweshouldgoshoppinglatercausethemallhasawesomeshoes!AreyouhungrycauseIam!letsgo!" She said quickly as she dragged him away.

Joey blinked in confusion, then sweat dropped when he deciphered what she had said.

"Maybe ya should lay off da sugar fer a while, Mai." He suggested. She glared at him.

"NO! My sugar! Youcannottakeitawayfromme!" She screamed, shoving him away and running down the street in tears.

He blinked. "Geeze…It was just a suggestion…" He sighed and turned back to Sizzler. His eyes widened. It was gone!

"What in the…buildings don't just disappear!" He shouted in shock.

A camera crew rushed to the scene. The reporter brushed her hair as the cameras were set up. "Hi, I am reporter Dustina Guitarez with channel 0008 News! It has happened again! Sizzler has disappeared from the face of this earth, along with every other restaurant in Domino aside from McDonalds! The cause of the disappearances is still being debated…"

Joey dropped to his knees. "NOOOOOOO!" He screamed in anguish. Kaiba appeared at his right, sniffling.

"Now you know how I feel, Wheeler!" He sniffled again. "My poor company…" Kaiba mumbled as he walked off into an alley. Joey blinked.

"Um…Kaiba, I wouldn't do that if I were you…" He started to say, but was cut off as Kaiba was jumped, beaten up and robbed by three random gang members. Joey sighed. His stomach growled as he began his long walk home...

**--Ten minutes later—**

Serenity smiled as she inspected her _'project'_. Actually…the wall was her project, but this would do for an alibi.

She had taken an old vase she had gotten from the thrift store, smothered it in glue, and stuck on random beads, sequins, fake jewels, a button, and glitter that she found lying around the house. Serenity added a bow and decided it was finished.

She smiled when she heard Joey open the door. Serenity grabbed the _'project' _and ran into the living room to greet him.

Serenity shoved the sticky mess into his face.

"Look Joey, isn't it awesome!" She asked gleefully. He blinked, then inspected the dripping monstrosity. He gave her a shaky smile.

"Err…yeah, that's great sis…" He mumbled. She beamed and hugged him.

"Thanks Joey! I knew you would love it!" She said, smirking inwardly. Somehow he had bought her lie…

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**JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** Chapter 3 done! I am so proud of my self! Well, Please R&R! 


	4. Modernday Dangers

Thanks for the reviews! I have 7 so far…hm…not a grand total, but thanks anyways!

…Especially to **Pearl of the Dark Age**. This update is for you!

Thanks also to **dragonlady222 **and **Chazz-It-Up **for reviewing!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yugioh or the characters…'nuff said!

Sorry, but this chapter is kind of short…

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Random Randomness

**Chapter 4: Modern-day Dangers**

Dartz glared at the hideous beast before him, his eyes narrowing in careful anticipation. He thrust his finger forward accusingly at the creature.

"I know what you are, I am not afraid! Nothing you do can intimidate me!" The large white appliance stared back at him blankly.

Dartz's glare faded to a look of lament. He snuck forward slowly and painstakingly. If there was one think the king of Atlantis knew, it was to not give the creature a reason to attack.

The blue haired man stopped before it and pulled up its lip, dropping some silk garments inside its large mouth. He then added a noxious smelling liquid, spilling some of said liquid on the floor in his haste. Dartz cautiously reached up and pressed on a raised portion of its armor plated surface.

The sound of gurgling water from its throat made the Atlantian jump, and consequentially to slip on the spilled liquid. He fell forward into the mouth of the beast, its iron jaws closing over his head. Dartz screamed when its putrid saliva splashed onto his face.

"Release me at once!" Dartz screamed, both from rage and fear. "How dare you try to devour my face? Let go of me or I shall feed your soul to the Great Leviathan!"

Raphael stumbled into the laundry room, awaken by all the ruckus. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. The clock on the wall read 3:37 am.

"Master Dartz…I can understand wanting to be independent in the 'new world', but do you _have _to do your laundry this early in the morning?" The tall blond asked tiredly.

"Raphael! This thing…its…its eating my hair! Get me out of this horrid beast!" He screamed shrilly.

The blond sighed, watching his former employer and lord struggle with the washing machine. Dartz shrieked.

"Owww, my wondrous hair is caught in the creature's jaws! And it's foaming at the mouth! Raphael…save me!" He whined. Raphael sweat dropped.

"With all due respect master…it's just a washing machine!" He said in exasperation.

"Hurry! It's going to _eat_ me!" Dartz squealed girlishly. Raphael sighed.

The blond strode over to the machine, lifted the lid and roughly pulled the Atlantian lord out of it. He stared at the frightened man, who was soaked to the shoulders in sudsy water. Dartz suddenly snapped, whacking Raphael over the head.

"You fool!" Dartz hissed. "Why couldn't you have done that sooner? How could you allow me to suffer like that?" He demanded. Raphael moodily nursed the bump on his head.

"It was quite easy, actually…" He muttered under his breath, earning him a slap in the face from Dartz.

The blue haired man walked away, shaking and dripping soap suds as he went. Was his shaking due to fear or fury? We may never know…

Raphael blinked as he watched Dartz disappear into his room, and slam the door behind him. "Okay…that was weird." He commented, heading back to his own room.

The blond got two hours of sleep before being awoken by a huge explosion in the kitchen. Raphael bolted through the hall and stopped when he noticed the smoke coming up the stairs. Alister and Valon stopped beside him. They hadapparently also been awoken by the noise.

Once they had entered the first-floor kitchen, the three mengaped at the scene before them. A scorched and coughing Dartz stood by the smoking remains of what was once their microwave. He looked up at the shocked DOOM bikers with a sheepish grin.

"Um…it wasn't me?" The King of Atlantis weakly replied, earning him three glares in return.

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JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** Ah! This chapter came out fast! Sorry if I bored you this time…but I have always thought that Dartz would have trouble with modern-day machines. I really couldn't help writing this. 

Well, please review! If you got any ideas send those too! …hey that kinda rhymes…

I have ideas for the next chapter and might start on it soon if I get some reviews. **(hint)**


	5. Yamis Gone Postal

Wow it has been a long time since I updated this. Sorry in advance, but this isn't as funny as the other chapters (until the very end at least) but is longer than the rest. It's mostly just a filler chapter, but whatever. I thought it was a funny idea at the time…

Plus I wanted to commemorate my second ever fan art of Bakura, which I finished last night! Cough-cough…anyways, I will let you read now.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yugioh or the Yugioh Characters!

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**Random Randomness**

**Chapter 5: Yamis Gone Postal**

It was a random day, of a random week, in a random house in Domino that Marik and Bakura sat down to plot. Bakura currently had their list of things to do. He read it aloud since Marik could only read on a third-grade level.

"Okay…we've already put a squirrel in the microwave…" He crossed it off of his list. "Break all the windows on a random house…" Bakura crossed it off. "Steal from 44 expensive stores…" Crossed it off. "Molest the mail man…we can do that later today." He stated boredly. "…Torture a group of random people mentioned by Yugi…" Bakura blinked, "How did this get on the list?" He asked in surprise.

Marik shrugged. "Marik don't know." He stated, "Maybe you put it on there after the drinking party two nights ago. You _were _pretty smashed…" The Egyptian yami suggested.

Bakura growled. "Hey! Oh whatever, it's already on the list so we might as well do it." He replied with a smirk.

Marik nodded. "Yes! But who to torture?" He pondered.

Five minutes later, they were still plotting to no avail. Bakura suddenly looked up. "Hey, how about those biker freaks the Pharaoh's brat was talking about?" He asked.

Marik shrugged. "Might as well." He said.

The two yamis then cleaned out the house and left the house's owner tied up and unconscious on the floor.

**20 minutes later…**

The two yamis crept out of the shadows, grinning. They were standing in front of a semi-nice house with three motorcycles in the driveway.

Bakura pulled his black mask down over his face; Marik tried to do the same, but got his on backwards.

Bakura hissed and smacked him on the back of the head.

"Baka! You've got it on backwards!" He said angrily.

Marik pulled it off and examined it. "Oh, you're right!" He said with an insane smile as he put it on the right way.

Bakura shook his head in shame. "Baka." He mumbled.

Silently, the two approached the house. They stopped when they reached the door. Marik glanced over at Bakura. "Now what?" The yami asked.

Bakura scowled. "We tazer 'em, duh! Then we tie them up and drag them away!" The white haired thief whispered fiercely.

Marik blinked. "Oh…Marik gets it now!" He whispered back.

Bakura rolled his eyes as he reached for the doorbell. "Just act natural, okay? Better yet…just shut up and don't say _anything_." He told Marik, who saluted him.

_**Ding-dong. **_

The two yamis heard a bit of arguing before a tall red-head answered the door. He looked at them suspiciously.

"What?" The tall man demanded dryly.

Marik shivered. _'Maybe it's his time of the month.' _The psychotic boy thought to himself.

Bakura gave a sickening (and obviously forced) smile to the red head. "Ah, we have been sent to deliver something to a person named Alister…" He stated.

The red-head narrowed his grey eyes at them. "That would be me." He said cautiously.

An evil smile spread across Bakura's face. "Great…Now Marik!" He shouted.

The two psychotic teens jumped the red head and took him out with their tazer-guns.

Bakura cackled evilly to himself. "Geeze, that was almost too easy!" He stated.

Marik had already pulled out the rope and began to tie Alister up. "What should Marik do with him?" The yami asked.

Bakura sighed. "Just set him somewhere for now. We're gonna have to steal a car or something to get them out of here, though…" He said thoughtfully.

Hearing the racket, a puffy-haired brunet walked into the living room and gasped when he saw Alister unconscious. He looked around in panic.

"RAPHAEL! SOMEONE IS…" His yell was cut off by Marik whacking him over the head with the Millennium Rod. The brunet slumped to the ground.

The Egyptian blinked. "Hey…why didn't we just use this in the first place?" He asked the other yami.

Bakura shrugged. "I forgot you had the thing." He replied sheepishly.

A tall muscled Blond entered the room. "Hey! What's going on in here?" He demanded. Marik raised the Millennium Rod and used it to restrict his movement.

"That was easy." He commented. The brunet at his feet stirred.

Bakura growled. "You didn't hit him hard enough!" He told Marik. The white haired yami pulled out his Millennium Ring and forced the semi-conscious boy into submission.

Bakura sighed and sat down on the floor to ponder their next move.

"Okay, we have them, now what should we do with them?" Bakura asked Marik, who shrugged in return.

"We could feed their souls to the shadows." Marik suggested.

Bakura shook his head. "Nah even that is beginning to bore me." He stated. Marik pouted.

"How about forcing them to rob department stores for us?" He suggested hopefully.

Bakura thought about it for a minute. "No, we need to do that with someone famous…someone like Pegasus." Bakura blinked. "Hm, I like that!" He scribbled _make Pegasus rob Kohl's _on the bottom of his list.

"Now about them…we need a getaway vehicle." Bakura stated.

Marik glanced out the door in time to see the mail truck round the corner. "Hey, the mail man doesn't deliver mail on our streets anymore…but we can jump him from other people's houses." The he told the other yami.

Bakura's face melted into an evil smirk. "Marik, I think that is the best idea you have had all day!"

Marik blinked. "Huh? Molesting the mail man was already on our list." He corrected.

Bakura scowled. "No you idiot, the mail truck! We can use it as a getaway vehicle." He whispered dangerously.

**5 minutes later…**

Bakura brushed the dust of his new uniform. He chuckled. "I think it suits me." He said twirling in front of the other yami. Marik nodded.

The Egyptian was also in uniform, although his had numerous stains…

"Now what?" Marik asked.

Bakura blinked. "What do you mean?"

Marik sighed. "How do we get them," He motioned to the heap of limp bodies on the doorstep of the previously visited house, "into here?" He said while pointing at the truck.

Bakura rubbed his chin in thought.

**- Time Break -**

Bakura cackled. "It's a good thing you still have the Rod, otherwise I doubt we could have gotten them all into the truck!"

Marik smirked. "It's a simple strategy, forcing the strongest of the prisoners to drag the others." The two yamis shared a psychotic laugh at that.

Raphael, who had regained consciousness (although his movements were still restricted by the Rod), sighed. "So, who are you and what are you planning to do with us anyways?" The blond man asked.

Marik turned to his fellow yami. "Yeah…what _are _we going to do with them?"

Bakura shrugged. "This kidnapping thing is boring, let's just drop them off somewhere." The white haired boy suggested.

Marik whispered something in his ear. Bakura's eyes brightened. "Hm, I like that!"

**- Time Break -**

Bakura smoothed his uniform and rang the doorbell.

Raphael rolled his eyes. "So this is your genius plan?" He asked sarcastically.

Marik poked him with the Millennium Rod. He growled. "Just shut up and do as we say!"

The three men's attention was pulled back to the door as it was pushed open, causing the small bell at the top to ring.

The small boy sighed. "Bakura, Marik? The door isn't locked you know." He said softly, not wanting to offend his not-so-sane friends.

Bakura shook his head. "We can't come in; we are on the job right now." He stated proudly.

Yugi blinked. "…okay, if you say so. What are you guys doing?" He asked.

Marik smiled. "We're mail men! And we have a delivery for Mr. Yugi Mutou." He replied.

Bakura handed Yugi a clipboard. "Sign here." He requested.

Yugi sighed and took the pen and paper. He quickly scribbled down his name and handed it back.

Bakura smiled as Marik pushed Raphael up to the door. "Have fun." He commented

Marik glanced down at his imaginary watch. "Well look at the time! We must go make our other deliveries now." He said as they excused themselves.

The yamis jumped into the mail truck, slammed the one door and sped away at over 20 miles an hour. Yugi and Raphael sweat dropped.

Yugi smiled up at Raphael. "Would you like some tea while you are here?" He asked sweetly.

Raphael sighed. "Might as well…I hope the others can handle themselves."

**- Time Break -**

Alister snorted. "You guys are pretty stupid, you know that right?"

Marik nodded. "I have been told so before…"

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Trust me, this will work."

Alister sighed. "There is no way you can get past all the guards, especially dragging me along with you. This is Seto Kaiba we are talking about." The redhead replied.

The two yamis cackled. "Now?" Marik asked his partner in crime.

Bakura nodded. "Are you sure you can control all of them at once?" He asked.

"It may be a little difficult, but not impossible." Marik raised his Millennium Rod and rendered all the men motionless. He forced one guard to disengage the security system.

Bakura pushed the gate open with one hand and strode in, Marik and Alister (who was being forced) followed. The white haired thief re-booted the security system and led the way to the Kaiba Mansion.

Marik knocked briskly on the door, which was promptly answered by a frightened maid. "Nighty-night." Marik said gleefully as her mind was pulled under his control.

The three entered the manor and made their way up the stairs. Two staircases and four hallways later, they stopped at a fancy door.

"Well here we are, Seto Kaiba's study." Bakura informed their hostage (in a tour guide-like fashion).

Alister blinked. "How the heck do you freaks know your way around the place?" He asked, half in disbelief, half in awe.

Marik waved it off. "Eh, no big deal, we come here all the time!"

Alister gaped, looking convincingly like a fish.

Bakura calmly knocked at the door.

"Enter."

Marik smiled and swung the door open.

Bakura smirked as he walked up to the un-amused brunet CEO's desk. "Yo Ice Princess, I think we have something that belongs to you!" He declared, jerking his thumb in Alister's direction.

Marik pulled a bow off of a package in his mail bag and stuck it on Alister's head. He then pushed the red head forward.

Kaiba narrowed his eyes at the two psychos. "What the hell is this?" He demanded.

"Special delivery!" Marik chimed. "We would have delivered him to the front door, but the guards shot at us last time we came by."

Bakura nodded enthusiastically and thrust the clipboard into the billionaire's hands. "Just sign here."

Kaiba hesitated. His frown twisted into a smirk. "Okay, maybe I will play along." He said, quickly signing the paper and forcing it back into the yami's hands. "Oh, and Marik, I would appreciate it if you leave the staff and guards as you found them." He finished, handing the yamis each $500.

They smiled at each other. "Whoo! This is turning out to be a great day!" Marik said.

"Only one more big delivery to make…see ya around Kaiba!" Bakura said as they rushed out the door.

"Idiots." Kaiba mumbled under his breath.

Once Alister regained control of his body he pulled the silver puffy bow out of his hair. The red-head yawned and sat on the corner of the brunet's desk.

Seto blinked. "You're not even going to attempt to escape?" He asked curiously.

Alister smirked at him. "Nope, why waste the effort?" He asked. "Besides, the day has been boring so far, I might as well bother you."

Seto rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I'm sure you can entertain yourself."

Alister smirked to himself and leaned closer to the brunet. "Or _you _could entertain me…"

Seto gulped, his face reddening. Blood oozed out of the brunet's nose.

**- Time Break -**

"Let me go ya freaks!" Valon screamed as Marik and Bakura dragged him up the stairs.

"Shut up!" Marik growled. The other two were semi-cooperative, but this one was WAY too loud!

Bakura groaned. "Why does Wheeler have to live on the top floor? WHY?" He demanded dramatically.

Finally they reached their destination. They dropped Valon with a loud thud, ignoring his screams and curses.

Marik knocked patiently on the door.

The door was quickly unlocked and Serenity poked her head out. She blinked. Her eyes glittered.

"Hi guys!" She exclaimed.

"Special delivery…" Marik said, with considerably less enthusiasm.

She blinked looking down at Valon. "Oh…It's that hot guy from the other day!"

Bakura handed her the clip board. "Just sign here." He told her tiredly.

She eagerly snatched the pen and paper, scribbling her name and gave the clipboard back.

Serenity giggled. "See you guys later!" She grabbed Valon as soon as Marik released his mind control and dragged the brunet into the apartment, slamming and locking the door behind her. "Jooooooeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy! Guess who's here!" They heard her call from the other side of the door.

Bakura smirked. "Now that that is over…we must finish up the job!" He cried dramatically as they ran down the stairs, three at a time, and hopped into the mail truck.

"…for a mail man's job is never done, and he will not be deterred by rain, wind, sleet or snow!" They sang together gaily as they rode off into the sunset.

**Meanwhile at the Kame Game Shop…**

Raphael laughed. "…Yeah, Alister is like that too." He sipped his tea as he and Yugi watched the daily news.

"…This is Dustina Guitarez with channel 0008 News. Just in, it appears that a local UPS truck has been stolen by two un-known male suspects. It is not clear exactly _what _the motive is, but further investigating will be done."

Raphael raised an eyebrow. "Do they always do stuff like this?" He asked.

Yugi nodded. "Yeah…"

"…Oh my, and in other news, there has been a case of arson in the Domino suburbs! This middle class house was set aflame only hours ago! The house's owner managed to blow up the stove and toaster within only minutes of each other…the man has been taken into custody and will be receiving psychological help for his unknown mental disorder…"

The camera cut to Darts, who was chewing at his restraints.

"I object! The creatures attacked _ME _first! I only retaliated in self defense…how was I supposed to know that they would spontaneously combust when provoked? I say, let me go you hooligans!" The distraught King of Atlantis cried.

"More information will be reported when it is available; this has been Dustina Guitarez with 0008 News…until next time Domino!"

It took 6.3 seconds for the realization to sink through Raphael's skull.

"DARTZ-SAMA!" His cry was heard all across Domino.

**Elsewhere in Domino: **

Bakura blinked. "Did you hear something Marik?"

Marik blinked. "No…"

"It sounded like that blond muscle guy…" Bakura insisted.

Marik laughed. "Oh well, today has been great anyways, hasn't it?"

Bakura nodded and tossed the last package into a Church's outside donation box.

Marik blinked. "What was that?" He asked.

Bakura smiled. "Educational videos. I think they will really appreciate that. Helping educate people gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling." He said with a strangely sweet look on his face.

Marik sighed. "Hate to say it Bakura, but you are going soft…"

Bakura smirked. "No, not really…" He said with an evil cackle.

Back at the church, a nun pulled out the small package. She glanced at the picture on the front and promptly fainted.

_**108 Sexual Positions for Beginners** _was written across the top.

Bakura smiled. "…besides, there is more that one kind of 'educational video'."

The two yamis laughed evilly as they rode away.

**

* * *

JouVal-Yaoi-Fanatik:** That was long for a random filler chapter; it takes up 9 pages of Microsoft Word on my computer! 

Please review!

P.S. I will try to make the next chapter better!


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